Me and Shakira both actually. Our hips are very honest #NoLyingAllowed. Well... Maybe my hips have been lying to me my whole life, and even more so for the past 13 months. (More on this to come⬇️).
Oh Life, whatta crazy thing you are sometimes.
Ever since I got back to school this fall, I have been going non-stop, barely getting any time at all to breathe. Honestly, it has been so hard. Not what I was expecting for this fall. The Big Guy knew what I was getting into, but I didn't whatsoever. Not that this ever happens or anything (PSHHHHT), but again I had a totally different idea in my head for how the beginning of my semester would go and the weeks following. Once again, I'm starting to pick up what God actually has in store for me and what He's had in his grand plan from the very beginning of my life and before I was a even thought in my parents head.
A couple days ago, I was venting and pouring out what's been going on in my noggin and all the crazy news about my hip to my best friend at SLU, who so happens to be one of my roommates. After I was blabbing on about a lot of things, she showed me a screenshot of a story/quote on Facebook. It happened to be about 9/11 and how there were so many people who worked in one of the twin towers, but at that particular day and hour, these employees were not in the building due to, for example, being late to work because of the subway, having to pick up medicine from the drugstore, taking their kid to school, grabbing a sandwich at a place with a long line, getting stuck in traffic on a bridge while driving, etc. Since these people were running late to work, we all know the feeling of how that goes don't we? They were probably feeling annoying at the world or situation for holding them up. Or they might be checking the time constantly hoping it would magically pause for them. Perhaps they were crossing their fingers the subway would go faster or the traffic would let them through like a police escort would. These feelings about running late are universal. We all know what these folks were thinking or worrying about as they stress about being late to work.
Little did these people know, their work building was going to be completely destroyed by a terrorist attack while they were only in transit to work. The late ones were actually the safe ones. These people who were late to work for various reasons would still get to eat dinner with their families tonight and tuck their children into bed after reading them a story. Their punctual co-workers would not.
Why did I bring this story up? The takeaway is that those people who were stressed, annoyed, anxious, and frustrated about being late to work for various reasons were right exactly where they were supposed to be at that particular time in their life. Sure this is also a sad story if you're thinking about the tragic deaths of the other people who were actually in the building. This story is also one to encourage and to flip your thinking around when you're in any situation -- good or bad, easy or hard, happy or sad. God knew they were going to be late for work that day. He knew the underground subway was going to be extra crowded and slow that day so the man who works in one of the twin towers would be safe and would see his family again. God placed each and every one of these late people in certain situations to protect them. They were right where they needed to be at that hour and minute in their life. Nowhere else.
Going off of that, I also, am exactly where I need to be at this moment in my life. Nowhere else. No other situation. No other mental, emotional, or physical state. I am right where God wants me.
I wouldn't exactly choose this situation for myself, but I know I'm in God's loving arms, and He is molding me each day in new and different ways that I would not have imagined for my life. God is in control and I am in his hands through it all, and for that I can rest, I can rejoice, and I can breathe.
I have hip news, school news, Chi Alpha news, work news, and maybe some more news, but I can't think of anything else big like these right now.
I'll start with my hip...because a lot of the rest of the news stems from it, and I know many people are aware that I've been suffering from hip and groin pain for over 13 months (since August 2015). Going back to Shakira and I's hips....I know I said they don't lie, but MY HIPS HAVE LIED TO ME FOR A LONG @$$ TIME, BUT THEY FINALLY CAME CLEAN AND DECIDED TO BE HONEST WITH ME. Thank you hips. Y'all rock.
Okay brief hip injury overview: I first felt pain in my right groin/adductor/inner thigh area when I was stretching after an easy run last August before I started my freshman year of college. A couple months later after not being able to run or do exercises pain-free, I saw a chiropractor. He didn't help. I then saw a orthopedic doctor. I got x-rays, which came back clean. He started me on physical therapy because he thought my pain was caused from weak hips and glutes. I got an MRI which came back clean. My orthopedic doctor referred me to a hip specialist at a children's hospital, and she diagnosed me with a strained adductor and told me to keep doing therapy. I kept that up for 8 months. However, my pain was progressing from not only just in my groin, but now it was moving to my hip flexor along with the side of my hip. PT wasn't doing anything to heal me (besides giving me a bigger butt and jacked thighs which made me have to buy larger pants and shorts #NiceWorkPT). A couple friends of mine gave me the name of a special chiropractor who is also a physician who I started seeing. He said my problem is adhesion, and I have a lot of adhesion built up on my hip muscles, so he started treating me for that. At first, I thought I had finally conquered this hip-pain mystery because I felt a little better even after my first chiropractor treatment where he dug into my hip at different places (#ouch). Quickly, I began to plateau and I still felt pain. GAH! He set me up to get another MRI but with contrasts this time.
Which brings me to my most recent news: Last week on September 7th I got the MRI Arthrogram with contrasts. The very next day I got the results from my chiropractor. They found that I have hip dysplasia and a hypoplastic labrum (which I was told means swollen labrum). As for the hip dysplasia, my hip is slightly abnormally shaped, but I was born that way. My ball and socket doesn't fit together as it's supposed to, causing my hip to do more movement that it should. My chiropractor referred me to a great hip doctor who works with hip injuries/problems for professional athletes actually, including men from the STL Cardinal's baseball team #GoCards :D. I saw him on Monday the 14th of September. I was told again that I have mild hip dysplasia, but as for my labrum, it is clearly torn...not just swollen. FABULOUS, JUST FABULOUS!
Surgery is now a must.
It turns out, I'm actually going to be getting this hip surgery in less month on October 11. The rest of the semester should be a good time. I won't be able to go to school for 2-3 weeks post-surgery obviously because walking ain't an option and ya know... drugs. So right now I've been trying to make many calls and emails to people at my school to see what accommodations can be made so I don't have to redo this semester. Also, the recovery period is quite a while -- about 12 weeks at least and up to 6 months to a year before I'm completely back to normal, so they say. It's going to be a long and hard journey ahead of me once again, but I know this is right where I'm supposed to be. God knows what's going on and is right here by me through it all. Thank you my awesome Father God!
The other not so great news from the doc was that I will not be able to be a long distance runner for the rest of my life. With the way my hips are made, it is not good for them. Hearing this pretty much crushed me inside. I kept it calm, cool, and collected on the outside when I was in the doctor's office listening to him, but I would be lying if I said I was completely fine with this news. Yes, I am so incredibly relieved to F-I-N-A-L-L-Y have an answer and a plan to move forward. But, there is a part of me that is just absolutely heartbroken that some of my dreams to be able to run more half marathons and a marathon someday are now totally gone and broken. That is so painful to me. I know God will teach me to be thankful for what I can do and not dwell on what I can't. That is my prayer at least. They say I can run in moderation and do 5Ks with friends and even 10K sometimes, but the way I was made, long distance running is not good for my body. It's just really hard when you have a huge passion for something and it's just pulled out of your hands and you can't do anything about it. Hopefully I can find other fun ways to stay active and get my heart pumpin'. It's what I love to do :)
So this hip surgery also means I have to temporarily quit the job I literally just got a few weeks ago, which I felt bad doing, but this situation is totally outside of my control. I am hoping to get back to it when I am fully healed because I actually found a job that I love doing! It's fun and right up my alley!
Additionally, since school this semester has been very difficult and time consuming, I have been stressed and anxious beyond belief. I have some learning challenges, and time is a serious problem for me. If I don't give myself enough time to do the work put before me....bye bye even semi-decent grades. That's been happening, and it's not even a month into school! Something has to change. I had to make some big and uncomfortable and hard decisions over the past couple of days -- one of them being to step down from being a part of Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship leadership and being a community group / Bible study leader for a group of girls on my school's campus. I had no idea that I would have to do this and I am very to sad to say I'm leaving. I hope and pray that I will still be able to stay connected to these wonderful Jesus-loving friends whether I am able to still come to some XA gatherings or not. I have no idea right now. I'm just still trying to process all that has happened in the past couple of days with all this news and crazy changes in my life and the rest of the semester in front of me. I will always love my Chi Alpha family whether I get to be in the group or not. These people have made my time at SLU 10x better and comfortable, and I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't met this tight-knit Christian family last year as a freshman. I hate to be leaving Chi Alpha, for now at least, but at this moment in my life, I need to focus on school because ultimately, that's why I am here and I want to do the best that I can as a St.Louis University Billiken student (Don't ask me what a Billiken is please lol...It's our school's mascot).
My prayer is that God will keep providing the right amount of time I that I need to be able to catch back up with schoolwork, and to get ahead in school as much as I can before I embark on this long surgery journey. I pray for energy, determination to do my best, and to not only do my best in school, but to lift it all up to him -- to bring glory to Jesus' name as I put forth my best effort in school. I pray for a good attitude through it all. School is a challenge, especially with learning disabilities, but this is how God made me. Thank you God for making me the way you did -- both physically and Intellectually. I love you Jesus. Keep bringing me closer and closer to you this semester. Work in me through this long physical suffering. I know this is right where you want me to be.